One wild horse. A broken chesnut. Harpsichord acrobatics. Precision tweezers. A slice of prosciutto. But why all this in a medicine cabinet? Why? I'll tell you why, so-called band detective. Suffering from a sickness that would turn a whole gaggle of goths paler, Phil shuns the traditional 'roots and fruits' guitar method as championed by fartuoso John "Arsenal" Queens-hammer, delivering enough raw musical lightning from his fingertricks to spot weld a hurdle. And yet, in order to bring us this banging gift he must undergo enormously red spasms each and every time a bird sings. And not just when he can hear it. So next time you're taking a gentle stroll into a birdsong-ruined quarry, spare a thought for our guitarist's warped visage.

Phil was born at age 4, lives Glasgonically and is strongly opposed to Nordic Tomography.