FAZ IS BENT! At least that's what the Guernsey Whore's Tribune told the world in May 2014, following our fat bassist's short stint at the Lazy Pantaloon Clinic, a clinic which reporters later found to have 'four gay walls and a lesbian trestle.' "Oh well," we imagine he will respond, "it's always nice to be talked about." Without a bone in his body he is still able to maintain heroic walking speeds of up to 7 for almost 9 staggering minutes.

Faziemaize is youngest, lives in Edinburgh and spends most midnights laughing in the face of Danger, though this does little for his personality.